Crazy Endeavors
by Maeniel
Summary: What are the Slayers to do when they find Xelloss in, of all places, the loony bin? Rating for a few mentions of the "F" word. Otherwise it is PG/PG-13.


Disclaimer: Try as I might, I still don't own this show or any of its characters.

Notes: This is the first Slayers fic I ever wrote. While you can find most everything else on my friend's Slayers site, I neglected to send her this one. Um... yeah, sorry Chibi Assassin. I'm sending it. I promise. Anyway, you'll notice that I start out with a sorry attempt at using a few simple Japanese phrases that fade away as the story progresses. I am not a big fan of using languages other than ones I am familiar with, and so as not to confuse myself, I just stopped using anything more than some very simple phrases and titles. Sorry if anyone is disappointed. Anyhoo, enjoy the fic. 

****

CRAZY ENDEAVORS

Nani? What are you talking about? What do you mean SHH! What's it to you? Baka. Jerk. Go away... Stop hissing through your teeth like that! You sound like a snake. Although, snakes aren't all that-

OW! What was THAT for?!

Hah! Serves you right. Pay-back's a bitch, isn't it?... Oh, do stop whimpering. I love to see a grown man cry, but there is a time and a place for it... Nani? A person? Watching me? Oh. I see what you mean. Sorry. I'm sure that'll heal over soon.

Ahem.

Konichi wa! Hello, if you just replied with 'bless you'. Sorry about that. I'm not used to visitors, you know. This is a real treat. A REAL treat!

Treat, hmm... That sounds good. I wonder what they're serving for lunch today. Not that I eat it. No, *chuckling softly* I don't eat food. And no, I'm not anorexic! I just haven't had to eat. I'm never hungry, and I don't lose weight. It's odd really. I don't mind. Eating really takes up so much time. It seems kind of unnecessary. But I do find the food a nice source of amusement. Crackers are fun to stack and throw at the attendants. Jell-O makes a nice mess. It takes the attendants hours to get the red stains off the floors. 

Oh, heehee. I'm sorry. I bet you're totally confused now. If that's the case, there's a nice man here who can help with that. He's down the hall, third door on the left. If you have the sudden urge to kill yourself on the way there, I'll help you. But if you really don't want to die, there's a pretty woman with yellow hair in the office at the end of the hall who can help with that as well.

Matte! Don't leave! I really like having company. If I offend you, g-- er, I mean, sorry. Old habits are hard to break, you know. 

Did you know that I used to be a very powerful man? Nod and smile... thank you. It's true. I had a lot of power. A LOT of power. Until someone took it away. Gone, gone, gone, gone, gone! It just up and disappeared. Now I'm stuck in this place because I keep telling them I shouldn't be here. How ironic. Tell them what shouldn't happen, and it's exactly what they do. Of course, had they left me alone, I don't know where I'd be now. Wandering the north woods--lost, alone, dead? Probably. Defenseless and confused. That's what I was. Still am to some extent.

By the way, my name is Violet. Not very masculine, I know. It's kind of embarrassing, actually. They call me that because of my eyes and hair. There's a woman down the hall who cleans the rooms. Her name is Rosa. She speaks some weird, foreign tongue. She keeps calling me Diablo and refuses to clean my room when I'm in it. I don't see her problem. I don't bite... hard.... Not often anyway. Okay, so I don't have much of a defense, but what can I say? I'm a man called Violet who has no idea what the hell is going on most of the time. 

I smile a lot. I smile because I don't have a clue. And I smile because it unnerves them. I say 'they' a lot too, don't I? Well, 'they' don't really have names. They are just the ones who control my future and my present--not to mention part of my past. And they won't tell me more than that! 

AARRRRRRRRGGH!

Can you tell this frustrates me? God, I hate secrets. Secrets are fun until you don't know the secret. Especially when that secret is so important! They could at least call me by my real name! No, Violet is not my name. If my parents had named me Violet, I would have hacked them apart with a double-edged ax. If I could get my hands on that ax now, I'd gladly turn it on the people in this place, sending their viscera flying and splattering against the wall, their blood and gore permanently staining this cursed gray carpet. I'd display their heads on poles in the halls and trail their intestines through their offices.

...

Too much? Sorry. I guess I'm a tiny bit resentful. I know they know my name, but they won't tell me. It's a bit frustrating. By the way, there's a trash can across the room. I'd really prefer if you vomited into it rather than onto my floor. Feeling better? Good.

You know they took my staff? Just took it away. As if I didn't have enough taken from me. I think they thought I would use it to hurt someone. Who cares if their worries are justified?! It had a pretty, glowing red jewel on the top. If I looked closely, there was something there. I could sense it. But they took it before I could figure out what it was. I want it back. I'm sure it's important too.

Do you think I'm crazy, too? I'm not crazy. A bit confused. Yes, I'll admit that. And yes, I'm a bit different from the people here. They're all the same. They fit into three categories. There are the drooling vegetables that hide out in their rooms. They smell. I don't really like to go near them. There's nothing there. Nothing but a noxious odor. No happiness, no anger or sadness, nothing. Kind of weird, don't you think? Anyway, the next category is the happy/angry lunatics. Why not put them in different categories, you ask? They act the same. Always wild and unpredictable. Kind of amusing, really. I like to watch the angry lunatics. I can sense their fury. Interesting how it makes me feel. It's like I get this high off their anger. Of course, those irritating happy lunatics balance things out. They drive me nuts. No pun intended. And then, there's the third category. They're the REALLY interesting ones. They all suffer from excess personality. They're dangerous. It's best to stay away from them really. Not only are they unpredictable, but they're downright evil. I enjoy following them around, trying to guess what havoc they'll wreak. Like I said. It's kind of a high for me.

So, you see, I don't really fit into any of the categories. I'm not one of those empty wretches in the next wing. I'm not a lunatic. Do you see me raving? And, well... oh, okay. I'm a nut. But I don't wreak havoc. Not like this. I can't. I want my powers back. THEN they'd know what destruction I could wreak.

Oh. Wait! Please don't leave. I promise to keep my subjects happier, 'kay? That's what I do with them. They don't like to hear such talk. If I'm not careful, they'll put me back in the small room upstairs. That would be bad. I'll be good, 'kay? Please stay.

*Whew* That was close. I hate being alone. It's, well... lonely. Besides, I enjoy your company. You don't ask questions. That's nice. No poking, prodding. My secrets are my own. I don't tell them to just anyone. If you're good, maybe I'll tell YOU one. Like that idea? You'd like me to tell you now? Would you like me to tell you ALL of them? Would you like me to throw you off a cliff? I think you would. Yes, I do.

You know, you look familiar. Have you come here before? No? Maybe I really AM losing my mind. They say the mind is the first thing to go. Or is that looks? I suppose it's simultaneous. If you go insane, you probably don't really care about your looks, and if your looks go, you'll go insane trying to fix them. Interesting.

No, I'm not crazy. I know when I know when I know when I know someone. And I know I know you from somewhere, time or place. Details, details. I don't know when or where, but you are familiar. Care to sign my guest book? Then I'll know your name!

I don't mean to pry, but your friend doesn't seem to like me much. Why is that, do you suppose? I mean, I haven't done anything to him yet. No, wait! I didn't mean that. I won't do anything. Promise? Okay. Anyway, he should get a dermatologist or something. I've never seen skin quite like that before.

Don't pull that over your face, stony! I think that it's rather intriguing, don't you? Gives you a mysterious air, really. Kind of looks cool, too.

Hey! I just thought of something. 

Stop snickering, stony! 

Do you think you could arrange for me to get my staff back? You seemed to have a bit of influence with the people here. Maybe... REALLY? You WOULD?!--^_^--Happy day!

What condition? There's always a condition.

Stop opening my eyes? It's creepy? Well! THAT's not a very nice thing to say! Oh, fine. I'll keep my eyes closed. Would you rather I not smile as well?

Hah. Hah. Hah. Very funny, stony.

Sure... I'll just wait here.

Just wait here.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

I hope she comes back soon.

Wait.

She was nice.

Wait.

Wait.

Aarrrrrgh! Where is she?

Wait.

Maybe I'll just take a little nap while she's gone...

* * *

"Holy fuckloads of shit."

"I might not have put it quite so colorfully."

"He's fucked."

"In the head, or just generally?"

"BOTH!"

Lina Inverse glared up at her friend, Zelgadis Greyweirs. As usual, he gazed back with unflappable calm. Lina struggled to keep herself calm. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Okay," she said, her voice only slightly higher than usual, "Okay. We can deal with this."

"Deal with what?" Zelgadis headed toward the door, "Like you said. He's fucked. Leave him."

"ZEL!" she screeched. "We can't do that!"

"Why not?" he asked, lifting a stone eyebrow curiously.

"It would be wrong!" she said, "Did you see how he was? He's going insane from not knowing. We've got to get him out of here."

"Let Violet live happily here," Zel said coldly, "He can't bother us then."

"In a loony bin?" she demanded, "Not a chance. Besides. With or without his power, Xelloss is dangerous. He's even more so now that he doesn't understand it. Can you imagine the kind of damage he'd do if he were ever to get out on his own? Not to mention he'd place us both right on the top of his black list for promising to do something we don't do!"

"Big deal."

Lina was two seconds away from going completely ballistic. Instead of lobbing a fire ball at her chimeric friend, she grabbed him and dragged him back down the hall, deeper into the rest home. 

"Hey!" Zel protested, trying to disentangle his cape from her grasp.

"We find his stick, give it to him, and get the hell out," she said, "Got it?"

"YES! Just let go!"

He fell flat on his face when she obliged. Lina stood over him with her arms crossed over her chest impatiently while Zelgadis climbed to his feet. He glared at her.

"Just tell me one thing, Lina," he said grumpily. "WHAT, exactly, is our problem with Xelloss being stuck in a psychiatric hospital?"

"It's wrong to leave him here," she stated matter-of-factly.

"But he's a nut!" this time, Zel let Lina drag him down the hall by his arm. "He was ALWAYS a nut. A complete and total fruitcake. If he's lost his mazoku powers now, why not just leave him in his insane world and out of our hair?"

"It's wrong, Zel," Lina snapped, "Now be quiet. Dark and creepy hallway dead ahead."

"I wish you wouldn't associate the word 'dead' with this," Zel grumbled softly.

There was a door. Of course. There's always a door. And through the door, there's always something weird and scary. This time was no different.

At the end of the long, dark, creepy hallway, there was a black door. And not just any black. It was total black. Empty black full of nothing. Lina and Zelgadis had to shield their eyes and look away from the door because it is impossible to look at a void of nothing. Since it is nothing, then there is in fact, nothing to look at. Nothing is impossible to see because, there is simply nothing there. A paradox of the worst kind--a door made of nothing.

Okay, to avoid a long, confusing explanation: Zelgadis, being fairly adept at deduction, quickly figured out how to approach the door. 

"Oh well," he turned and started back toward the exit, "Guess we can't help him after all. Let's go."

Lina grabbed his cape, and he fell onto his back, choking. She glared down at him for the second time in the past ten minutes and shook her head. A mischievous twinkle in her eye made Zel extremely anxious, and she grinned suddenly.

"Since the door is made of nothing, there's nothing to stop us!" she proclaimed.

"You can't deny her logic," Zel muttered, as he was dragged through the nothing.

They stopped inside the room and stared, dumbfounded, up at the largest shrine they had ever seen in their lives. It was easily twenty times the size of the rest home itself. Another paradox. Like a large house inside of a small room instead of the other way around. It was like they had entered another world.

There was a sky. It was black and star-less, void of any light. The temple in front of them was glowing so bright, it should have been like a day in the sun, but the sky was so black, it absorbed the light and made the area appear to be darker than night. All in all, it was difficult to see anything in the place. One thing they COULD see was a small group of people, praying on the steps of the temple. And off to the side--conveniently--was a familiar, jewel-topped staff. It hung suspended in mid-air in the center of a glass display box, much like the kind you would find in a museum.

"There it is!" Lina hissed to Zel, stating the obvious.

"Good for it," Zel grouched, "So?"

"Let's get it and get the hell out of this darkness-lovers' convention," she replied. "Come on."

Two minutes later, they ran like hell was after them away from that room, praying they hadn't been spotted. Of course, it wasn't like they weren't drawing attention as they bolted down the usually calm hallway.

Lina and Zel skidded to a stop outside of Xelloss's room and barged in. They found the trickster priest laying in bed with his arms folded behind his head, staring blankly at the ceiling. He looked strange in his generic blue pants and shirt. His shoes had even been removed, leaving him in only a pair of white socks. It was odd to see him so vulnerable when they were accustomed to the cocky, smart-ass mazoku who rarely feared anything. Of course, from their conversation--his monologue--earlier, he hadn't changed much on that account. But still...

He looked over to see what the commotion was about and spotted them in the doorway. A grin spread over the priest's face, and he bounced out of bed.

"Arigatou!" he exclaimed, reaching for the staff. But Zelgadis pulled it out of reach and planted a hand on Xelloss's chest, stopping him.

"Not until we get out of here," he said stubbornly. "I would rather leave you here, but Lina thinks we should take you. Let's go."

Xelloss frowned at not having access to his staff, but he smiled when he heard he would be leaving.

"What fun!" he whispered conspiratorially, "Have you killed anyone in your attempt to escape yet?"

Zel scowled and knocked Xelloss upside the head lightly. Of course, lightly for a man made of one-third golem is not very light at all, and Xelloss staggered from the blow. He barely stayed on his feet, completely dazed. Zelgadis just rolled his eyes impatiently and grabbed Xelloss's arm, dragging him from the room. They ran down the hall to catch up with Lina.

Lina, Zelgadis, and Xelloss touched down several miles away, deep in the surrounding woods. Since Zelgadis had refused to carry Xelloss, he had kept the staff, and Lina had been required to hold the trickster priest during the short flight. She wasn't entirely pleased with the arrangements, and neither was Xelloss--preferring to stay close to his jewel-tipped staff. But it had worked out, and they had arrived safely in the tiny clearing. It had been their meeting point to catch up with Gourry and Amelia. Of course, Amelia and Gourry were not there yet. Zelgadis mumbled something about the nearest town with a diner being several miles away.

"Oh well," Lina said brightly, "I'm sure they'll arrive soon. Meanwhile-"

"Meanwhile, you can give me my staff!" Xelloss interrupted, pulling away from Lina to get to Zelgadis, who was still holding his precious stick. Zelgadis easily avoided the pounce and snorted impatiently when Xelloss winded up passing him and stopping in confusion, wondering what had happened.

"Just give him the damned staff," Lina scowled. "What can it hurt?"

Never--EVER--should anyone say anything like that. It's like saying 'it can't possibly get any worse than this.' Because it can. And saying it out loud is like begging for something to happen. Of course, something might NOT happen, but that is besides the point.

Anyway, Zelgadis heaved a sigh and held out the staff, upon which occasion Xelloss snatched it away with an indignant glare at the chimera. He immediately settled himself down on the ground, happily studying the thing.

"This is ridiculous," Zel said to Lina, keeping his voice low enough to prevent Xelloss from hearing. "What are we supposed to do with him now? I certainly don't want to travel with him anymore than absolutely necessary."

"We'll wait for a short time to see what happens," Lina explained patiently, "Then we'll go from there."

"Why plan ahead when what can be done today can be put off 'til tomorrow?" Zelgadis asked the empty air as Lina walked away. He sulked at the edge of the clearing, refusing to watch Lina or Xelloss.

Lina, on the other hand, went over to see how Xelloss was. She was hoping there might be some improvement since they had helped him escape. If not a bit more sane, perhaps he would be a bit happier.

When she approached Xelloss, he was climbing to his feet, looking extremely agitated. Not agitated in an upset way, but agitated more in a manner that he appeared to be filled with some sort of electric energy. He was jumpy and excited.

"What's up?" she asked cautiously.

"This isn't mine," he announced.

"WHAT?!" Lina shrieked, wobbling and falling over. *Remember what was mentioned about never saying 'what can it hurt?'?* She climbed to her hands and knees and looked up at him. "What do you MEAN it's not yours?"

He smirked and considered the jewel at the top of the staff.

"Actually," his smirk grew, "This is something MUCH better."

*In who's opinion?*

To Lina's shock and horror, he flipped his grip so he was holding the staff by the bottom, wielding it like a baseball bat. He turned and swung the staff as hard as he could against a nearby boulder. At the last instant, Lina noticed that, instead of a ruby-colored jewel, the stone was a deep, deep violet-crimson shade. Then, the stone shattered against the boulder, the pieces imbedding themselves in the ground.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, everything happened. Things got strange, then completely bizarre. A gale of icy wind whirled around Xelloss, its edges battering against Lina and ruffling Zel's hair. Xelloss's purple hair flew up, and his violet eyes slid open, reveling in the potential for complete destruction held in the wind. His inmate-style blue pants and shirt vanished to be instantly replaced with his customary black pants, light shirt and dark cloak. He laughed and lifted his arms to embrace the power that flowed around him.

Lina screamed. Zelgadis shouted desperately for her, trying to catch her as the wind pulled her in and shoved her out ruthlessly. Zel missed her fingers as she reached out for him but was suddenly sucked into the storm and flung straight up. Her scream resounded through the forest.

"LINA!" Zel screamed after her, but he had no way of helping her. To go after her would have been suicide, and he wouldn't be able to catch her. It would be a useless sacrifice. Instead, he turned on the mazoku in the center of the clearing and shouted at him. "XELLOSS! STOP!"

Abruptly, the wind stopped--to Zel's complete surprise. He had to force himself to breathe, almost forgetting as the shock of the incident caught up with him. Then, Lina's scream--which had faded away before--grew louder as she plummeted toward the ground.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-icka!"

Lina's scream was cut short with a lurch as her downward fall was halted unexpectedly. She looked dazedly into a pair of striking violet eyes.

"Xelloss!" she gasped, "You're-"

But he wasn't looking at her. Or listening to her for that matter. Lina stopped talking because of the darkness emanating from those dark eyes. Rather than the cheerful smile that typically settled over Xelloss's features--even when he was under attack, his mouth was set in a hard, angry line. They floated to the ground, whereupon he set Lina down lightly on her feet. She backed away apprehensively, not liking the expression on his face one bit. In her opinion, if he was going to go ballistic and destroy something, she'd much rather not be in his path when he did. She'd like to keep on living for the next few years (thank you very much).

"Um, Xelloss?" she squeaked.

"Shall I kill them now?" he asked the air between them, not quite seeing her yet, "Or should I wait until I wake up?"

With that said, he collapsed forward, falling into Lina's arms. She grunted in surprise.

"Oooff!" she looked toward Zelgadis, who was running across the clearing toward them, "Help me with him, Zel! He's heavy!"

Zel easily hefted the mazoku priest from her arms and proceeded to lift him from the ground. He scowled at the priest, but didn't drop him. Instead, he looked at Lina.

"If that didn't catch someone's attention, nothing will," he explained, "But I'd rather not wait to find out. I'll bet that Amelia and Gourry are still in the town on the other side of these woods. We would probably make it there before they leave."

"Right then," she cast a worried glance at Xelloss, who was blissfully senseless in Zel's arms. Satisfied he was okay, she smiled brightly and started toward the edge of the clearing. "Let's go!"

They made their way into the forest, Zel--being the stronger of the two--carrying Xelloss, and Lina carrying the shattered remains of the staff Xelloss had broken. They made their way to the little-known town of New Hope. (Since this is in ancient times in a world that never really existed, New Hope was not as well known as it may be here. So there!)

Despite it's inconspicuousness to the rest of the surrounding world, New Hope was a huge, metropolitan city. The streets were buzzing with business transactions, trades and everyday hubbub. The main reason it wasn't known was because of its proximity to the asylum. Most people stayed well away from this part of the country, so this town was rarely visited by travelers.

So when Lina, Gourry, Amelia, and Zelgadis had arrived, the townspeople had welcomed them with open arms, curious about the outside world. They had seemed particularly interested in Zel, making him extremely uncomfortable. Being that part-human chimeras were uncommon (Zel's the only one, people!), they were fascinated by his appearance. He had gone into hiding, never leaving the inn without his cloak pulled low over his face. But much to everyone else's glee, the place was filled with fine restaurants and diners. It was heaven for the food-loving duo, and even Amelia.

Because of this, it was not much of a surprise when the people immediately noticed Lina and Zel walking into town, Xelloss in tow.

"The foreigners are back!" a man shouted excitedly.

"And they brought someone else with them!" another man called.

"He's hurt!" a woman cried.

"Take them to the town hospital!" a child yelped.

Lina and Zel were practically carried to the hospital, protesting all the way. They deposited them in a waiting room and whisked Xelloss away to be taken care of. Zelgadis shrugged apathetically and settled himself down next to a pot of coffee and a year old copy of Sorcerer's Weekly. Lina huffed and chased after Xelloss, trying to catch the doctors before they did anything.

"Wait!" she yelped, smashing face-first into a door as it closed on her. She rubbed her sore nose and looked through the window. A healing doctor was preparing to place a spell on the unconscious priest. "Don't use white magic!"

Of course, he did. He finished the incantation for the healing spell and held his hands over Xelloss. And he immediately regretted it. No sooner did the white magic hit Xelloss, then the mazoku priest rejected it. Black energy slammed back against the simple healing spell, forcing it back at the doctor. The poor doctor went flying across the room to slam into a wall and slump to the floor, a glazed grin of senselessness on his face.

Outside the room, Lina groaned and covered her face with her hand.

"I warned him," she grumbled. She shoved the door open and forced her way past panicked nurses. "Out of my way! Get out of here. You don't know what you're dealing with."

"Lina!" an overly friendly voice carried above all the commotion. In a flash of dark light, Xelloss was by her side, smiling down at her. "It's good to see you!"

Lina gasped as a hand locked around her arm and yanked her away. She looked at the nurse in surprise. The woman looked at Xelloss with fear.

"Stay back, Miss Inverse," she warned, "He's dangerous."

"Oh my," Xelloss scratched the back of his head in embarrassment and smiled sheepishly, "I seem to have caused a bit of trouble, haven't I?"

"I hate to say it," Lina pulled away from the nurse and shook her head, "But it wasn't entirely your fault, Xelloss."

"Don't sound so shocked, Lina," he said dryly. He looked around at the mayhem. "What's with them?"

"A doctor tried to heal you with white magic while you were out," Lina explained. She pointed at the man who was being carried out on a stretcher. The doctor was drooling and grinning stupidly at the ceiling. Xelloss grinned at that. "You did that to him."

"Sorry," Xelloss said, not able to keep from smiling. Suddenly, his smile faded as memories came flooding back. He looked at Lina, unable to keep the surprise from his voice, "You saved me, Lina."

She grinned and shrugged. "All in a day's work."

His expression darkened again, and his eyes opened. A dark aura settled around him, one which would have frightened everyone in the room had there been anyone left to see it. All the doctors and nurses had already flown in fear. Lina just watched casually, arms crossed over her chest. She was unimpressed.

"Don't be hasty now," she ordered, "If someone had the ability to seal your powers away and keep you in that place, you should be careful how you proceed."

"Caution is always prudent," he said, still angry but containing it. "I don't suppose you ever found my staff, did you, Lina?"

"Nope," she shrugged. "Found one that you said, and I quote, was 'much better'."

"The staff in which they sealed my powers," Xelloss said, a bit of his old cheer creeping back into his voice. "All right, Lina. I owe you one now. Let's get out of this hospital before they come in screaming for a lynching."

"Deal," she grinned, leading the way. She turned and winked at him, "By the way, you owe Zelgadis as much as you owe me."

Xelloss's smile twitched, and he hesitated.

"Zelgadis?" he asked.

"Yup!" Lina grinned and grabbed his arm. She dragged him down the hall at full speed, stopping only to retrieve Zelgadis.

"I'm still a bit woozy, Lina!" Xelloss called desperately, stumbling after her.

"Nonsense," she snapped, "You're a mazoku. You're fine."

"If you say so," he said uneasily.

Ten minutes later, Lina and Zel found Amelia and Gourry at the inn, eating dinner. Much to Lina's chagrin, Xelloss collapsed weakly into a chair, folding his arms on the table and dropping his head into them. Zelgadis smirked behind his mask and sat down at the opposite side of the table, accepting the coffee immediately offered to him. (YES, he took off his mask to drink the coffee. Can you imagine the kind of stain that would leave if he didn't? Yuck!)

"Lina! Zel! Xelloss!" Gourry exclaimed happily through a mouthful of food. He swallowed and grinned at them. "Hi!"

"Miss Lina! Mister Zelgadis!" that was Amelia, "I'm so glad you came back safe. But weren't we supposed to meet in the clearing tomorrow?"

"We decided the clearing might be a bit too conspicuous," Zel said, glaring at Xelloss.

Amelia glanced down at Xelloss and--thanks to her loving nature--became immediately concerned.

"Is Mister Xelloss going to be okay?" she asked worriedly.

"Mister Xelloss feels like hell, thank-you-very-much-Lina-Inverse," Xelloss grumbled into his arms, "Fortunately, I don't eat food, or it would be making a repeat appearance right now."

"Oh dear," Amelia said, wide-eyed.

"Xelloss is fine," Lina dismissed him, "Now, he just needs to get his staff back, and we can get back to bandit hunting."

"Yeah!" Gourry said cheerfully.

"Sounds thrilling," Zelgadis grumbled.

"And don't forget our constant pursuit of justice and love!" Amelia proclaimed dramatically, "We shall do whatever it takes to right wrongs and triumph over evil."

"I'm going to be sick," Xelloss muttered.

Amelia scowled down at Xelloss and turned her nose up at him. Apparently, she didn't like such comments about her little inspirational speeches.

"Right!" Lina snatched up a chicken drum and some wine, "Tonight we eat, tomorrow we decide what to do."

"Sounds good to me!" Gourry said.

"Me too!" Amelia agreed.

Zelgadis just sipped his coffee. And Xelloss snored lightly into his arms.

"Rise and shine, sleepy head!"

"I'll rise, but nobody can make me shine."

Xelloss mumbled grumpily under his breath as Amelia dragged him out of bed and down to the diner for breakfast. Lina, Gourry, and Zelgadis had already gotten up and were eating. Well, Lina and Gourry were eating--okay, inhaling their food. Zelgadis never seems to eat anything solid, so he was drinking more coffee. Amelia dumped Xelloss into a chair and joined Lina and Gourry in breakfast. Zelgadis offered Xelloss a cup of coffee, which the mazoku priest took absently and sipped. They watched with amusement as the food rapidly disappeared, and the three began to fight over the remaining dishes.

Finally, after Lina had procured the last sausage, they settled down to business. Lina looked at Xelloss, who seemed to be having trouble pulling himself together that morning.

"I never knew mazoku needed sleep, Xelloss," she said curiously.

"Hmm?" he looked at her. He hadn't been listening.

"I SAID," she rolled her eyes impatiently, "I never knew mazoku needed sleep."

"We don't," he downed the rest of his coffee and held it out while a waiter quickly filled it again. "But the process of regaining my powers takes a lot out of me. When I first got my powers, I slept for a solid week before I could function properly."

"Interesting," Zelgadis commented.

"Don't even think about it," Xelloss scowled at him, "Besides, as I am now, I'm still stronger than you."

"Yet, you need our help," Zel sipped at his own coffee casually.

Xelloss's eye and eyebrow twitched in irritation, belying his false smile. Lina heaved a sigh and rescued the group from a word war that could quickly escalate into something much worse.

"Who took your powers in the first place, Xelloss?" she asked, getting down to business.

"Don't know," he shrugged, swallowing more coffee. Lina worried that they would have a seriously buzzed mazoku in their midst later.

"Well, you'll have to do better than that if we're going to get your staff back," she snapped, "And someone get that coffee away from him. The last thing we need is Xelloss on a caffeine high."

Xelloss gave up his coffee moodily and folded his arms over his chest, pouting.

"Right," Lina planted her hands on the table and leaned over to consider the pouting mazoku. "How did you get in the asylum?"

"Big, hairy guy took me there," he said with a smirk. "I'm afraid I'm not the strongest man in the world without my mazoku powers. At best, I might be able to lift Lina."

"Not like that time you caught Gourry in mid-air," Amelia said. She became thoughtful, "Of course, you DID drop him after that."

Xelloss sweatdropped and rubbed the back of his head.

"At least I saved Gourry from falling to his death on the rocks," he said nervously.

"Relax, Xelloss," Lina smirked at his anxiety, "We won't hold that against you. To have expected you to do otherwise would be to expect you to deny that you're a mazoku. It's impossible."

"Right you are, Lina!" Xelloss smiled brightly. "Actually, I was wandering around in the north woods, wondering what the hell had just happened when a bunch of bandits ambushed me. I suspect they were paid to bring me in as I was."

"And why would anyone want you in an asylum?" the question was out before Lina could stop it. It was, of course, a stupid question. It was like asking, 'why would anyone want to get rid of the ants raiding their picnic?' Xelloss was a mazoku, and thus had many enemies--even among the other mazoku. He had proven that time and time again. Plus, it wasn't as if his winning personality attracted many followers. Lina sighed, "Never mind. Forget I asked. I guess the better question would be, who would go to such extents to do this to you?"

"Every dragon you can get your hands on," Xelloss said casually, ticking off the possibilities on his fingers, "About half the mazoku race, everyone I ever came into contact with..."

"I get the point," Lina groaned, pulling on her hair, "Who has the ABILITY to do this to you?"

"Oh!" Xelloss smiled, "Why didn't you just ask that in the first place?"

Lina shrieked and pulled out more hair. Xelloss smirked.

"Well, any higher mazoku would be able to," he said, "namely, anyone on a level with Lord Beastmaster and higher. Plus, someone on my level, perhaps a level below--if they catch me off-guard. A strong dragon, if it's lucky and catches me by surprise--probably have to be several of them as well. Thanks to Filia, I've grown quite proficient in avoiding dragons' attacks."

"So you think it's another mazoku?" Lina asked, slightly confused by Xelloss's talent for digression.

"It would take another mazoku to seal my powers away," Xelloss affirmed.

"Now that we answered the first question..." Zelgadis said sarcastically. "Why is that staff so important, Xelloss? Can't you just get another one?"

Xelloss smiled with false brightness.

"I can't replace my staff," he explained. "It's rare--one of a kind."

"So?" Zelgadis challenged. "Find another rare one."

"It's not that simple," Xelloss's smile wavered as impatience took over.

"Why not?" Zel asked irritably.

"That is a secret, Zel-kun," Xelloss said with a weak smile.

"You're a moron, you know that?" Zel grunted, sipping more of his coffee.

Xelloss just smiled and looked back to Lina, who--for some odd reason--he trusted more than anyone else in the group.

"I don't expect your assistance, Lina," he said, actually sounding serious, "I was caught by surprise before, and it won't happen again. I can do this alone."

Lina blinked, surprised by the sudden display of solemnity from the usually sarcastic and semi-friendly mazoku. A grin spread over her face, and she picked up her water and held it out to Xelloss. An expression of confusion crossed his face, but he accepted the cup and looked at her curiously.

"Call it an exchange of favors between friends," she said, "You're not getting rid of me THAT easily, Xelloss."

He smiled and set the cup down.

"I don't care what the rumors say about you," he said with a wily grin, "You, Lina Inverse, are a decent person--for a human."

She grinned at the strange complement and nodded. Then, she snatched the cup away from him and downed the rest of the water. Xelloss sweatdropped when she stood and pointed dramatically at the door.

"Off we go to get Xelloss's staff!"

The group opted for walking the distance through the woods rather than a simple Ray Wing spell. That way, it was easier on Gourry--least important reason right here--and there was less chance of them getting caught immediately. So, by mid-afternoon, they reached the clearing which had been their original meeting place. When they did, they stopped and gaped at the scene that lay before them.

In place of the small clearing was a small crater. It looked as if someone had just taken their hand and scooped out a huge chunk of the ground. The edges of the clearing were singed, the leaves on the trees wilted and brown, the grass dead and yellow.

"Not my fault," Xelloss said quickly, grinding to a halt before he tumbled down into the crater.

"Not unless you came back and did this last night," Lina agreed. "This was done after we left."

"It looks like we left just in time," Zelgadis commented. He crouched down at the edge of the crater and examined the singed ground. "This kind of damage runs up there with the aftermath of one of Lina's Dragon Slaves."

"So you think a spell did this?" Amelia asked, wide-eyed. "Who would DO such a thing? All these beautiful trees! It's just not right!"

"At least it was the trees and not us," Zel said, easily diffusing Amelia's sudden urge to pose dramatically and proclaim what was just.

"Wow," Gourry said.

Lina crouched down next to Zelgadis and looked at what he was doing. He pulled a piece of colored stone out of the ground and examined it. It was a dull, purplish shade.

"Looks like the remainders of the stone Xelloss broke yesterday," Lina commented.

"What are you accusing me of breaking?"

Lina and Zel ignored Xelloss's question and studied the ground more thoroughly. They came up with more colored stone.

"They probably didn't even come to investigate," Zel said, "They just blasted the place away and assumed they had done their job."

"Unless they're still waiting here for us," Xelloss's voice drifted in between them. They looked up in surprise and saw him standing defensively behind them. Amelia and Gourry had taken up similar stances. Zel pointed into the woods, and Lina spotted what he was indicating. She smiled.

"Oooohhhhh," she said, feigning enlightenment, "An ambush! Well! Let's show these suckers what they've gotten themselves into."

On cue, people began to emerge from the forest. Most of them were dressed in typical sorcerer's attire. They began a planned, organized attack. The attack was designed to take out the intended mark quickly and efficiently, but it was also designed by taking into account the usual retaliation. And Lina Inverse was anything but usual.

"FIREBALL!" she shouted, taking out the sorcerer to her right. "Let's show these idiots what we're made of!"

"FIREBALL!"

"ELMEKIA LANCE!"

"Light come forth!" Impressive war cry inserted here.

They randomly picked off the attackers as they appeared. As the fight drew on, it became apparent that there were far more attackers than they first suspected. They just kept coming out of the woods, appearing like magic. It was then that Lina noticed that Xelloss wasn't helping. He just drew back behind them, watching the fight. Her blood boiled at the sight of that. 

Of all the NERVE! she thought, her voice screaming in her head, Here we are, working our butts off to save his own sorry ass, and he doesn't even have the decency to help!

"Xelloss!" she screamed over the noise, "FIREBALL--Why aren't you help--FIREBALL--ing!"

He ducked as a stray spell whipped past his head.

"I'm still-" *duck* "a little-" *dodge* "weak, Lina!" he called back. He smiled sheepishly, "If I do anything now, I'll be burnt out for the rest of the day."

"I DON'T CARE!" she shrieked, "FIREBALL! If you don't help, we may all be killed anyway!"

Xelloss heaved a sigh and stepped forward. He glared at Lina like a child might glare at his mother for making him do something he didn't want to do. She didn't care--like she had said.

"RA TILT!"

Fortunately for Xelloss, he saw that one coming from one of the sorcerers and easily avoided it. He threw himself back and floated over the crater. He hovered there at the edge of the crater, studying the fighting for a moment before preparing his own assault. Eyes opening dangerously, he held out his hands. A dark aura swirled around him, and he smiled deviously. Power surged out of him and in through the woods.

Lina and her friends threw themselves to the ground as sorcerers began to implode, left and right. They could feel the tremendous amount of energy flowing over and past them--the energy that was killing those sorcerers. It was frightening, actually--although they would never admit to being scared (except, maybe, for Amelia).

Then, the energy flow stopped. Lina looked up, prepared for another sorcerer to appear out of the woods. But no one did. She heaved a sigh of relief and climbed to her feet. Then, she remembered.

"Xelloss!"

They found the mazoku priest on the ground, crumpled into a ball on his side. His eyes were closed--not unusual, but enough to warrant an infinitesimal amount of worry. Lina grabbed the front of his cloak and smacked him lightly on the cheeks.

"Xelloss?"

He groaned softly and tilted his head to look at her. A small smile danced across his face.

"It isn't nice to slap someone while their down, Lina," he said, his voice weak.

"When you said 'burnt out,' I thought you just meant your magic!" she said, shaking him angrily.

"Ghhkkk..." he coughed a few times in response to the rough treatment. "That's not my fault, Lina."

Disgusted, she dropped him and heaved an impatient sigh. Xelloss dragged himself off the ground to his knees and looked at her, waiting to see what she would do.

"We can't camp here," she stated the obvious, "And we can't travel much further today if Xelloss can barely move."

"I'm not carrying him," Zelgadis interjected quickly.

"No one's asking you to," Lina said with a private grin. Xelloss looked at the smile then back at Zel, a wary expression on his face. He wondered why Zel would jump so quickly to say that.

"Can't we just heal Mr. Xelloss?" Amelia asked.

"He doesn't take well to white magic, Amelia," Lina said, recalling the incident at the hospital.

"Why not?" of course, being the child of the group, she had all the 'why' questions.

"It would be analogous to me trying to heal one of you with black magic," Xelloss explained patiently, "Your bodies would either reject it completely, or you would end up having mazoku essence running through your blood."

"Oh," Amelia sweatdropped, "I don't think I'd like that."

Xelloss looked at Lina again, as she was always the one in charge.

"I don't think I could make it more than a few steps, Lina," he said truthfully.

"Gourry!"

Ever loyal to Lina, Gourry appeared at her side with a goofy grin on his face. Lina pointed at Xelloss.

"Help him," she ordered.

"Sure, Lina!" he said enthusiastically. He turned his back to the mazoku and smiled brightly over his shoulder. "Hop on, Xelloss."

So that was how Xelloss ended up being carried for the next few miles on Gourry's back. Almost immediately, he dozed off, making for a peaceful walk to their final campsite for the night.

"Hey! Save some for me!"

"You snooze, you lose, Amelia!"

Lina literally snatched a fish out of Amelia's hands and began to eat it. Amelia's eyes grew large and puppyish and filled with tears. She sniffled cutely. In that instant, the fish disappeared from Lina's hands, just as she opened her mouth to bite into it. Her teeth clacked down on empty air, and she stared at her hands in confusion. The fish reappeared in Amelia's hands, and she munched on it happily.

"Uh..." Lina stammered at that, "What just happened?"

"It's not nice to take other peoples' food, Lina," Xelloss chastised lightly. He had just woken up and crawled over to sit by the fire.

"That was YOU?" Lina asked dangerously.

"Gee, Xelloss," Amelia looked at him with wide, cute eyes. "I didn't know you had it in you to be so nice."

"I don't," he smirked.

"What he means," Zelgadis said calmly from across the fire, "Is that your cute whimpers repulse him, so he returned the fish to you so he wouldn't have to deal with it."

Xelloss sweatdropped.

"I might not have put it so bluntly," he mumbled.

"Um, well, thanks," Amelia said, looking rather confused. "I guess."

"How are we going to get into the asylum again, Lina?" Zelgadis asked seriously, ever-sipping at his tea.

Lina turned thoughtful and munched idly on a fish she had procured from Gourry. Gourry just sighed unhappily and watched her eat his fish. Apparently, Zel was right about Xelloss's reasons, because the fish remained in Lina's hands.

"Well, we can't just walk in the front door," she said, "And one glance at Xelloss would set off all the alarms in the place. We've also got to keep in mind that there might be a mazoku hiding somewhere in the place."

"Like in the temple?" Zel asked.

"Like in the temple," she affirmed, "And Xelloss may not be able to fight against this guy."

"Lina," Xelloss interjected, "Perhaps you should let ME worry about any mazoku involvement for the time. You could concentrate on just getting in."

"Right," she nodded. Not looking away from him, she continued on, "Zel and I are known already, so Amelia and Gourry will be the only ones who could move around without being suspected."

She looked at them. Gourry stared back dumbly, and Amelia's eyes grew big and bright. 

"We'll take care of everything Miss Lina!" she said. She stood and struck a dramatic pose, a rainbow display of lights flashing behind her. "We'll get Mr. Xelloss's staff and return everything to its rightful place. It is the just thing to do!"

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Of course you will, Amelia," Lina said dryly. "And once we get Xelloss's staff, we can get the hell out."

"Sounds like a good plan, Lina," Xelloss complemented brightly.

"A good plan for getting us killed," Zelgadis grumbled into his cup.

"What did you say, Zel?"

"Nothing."

The asylum seemed even bigger than it did when Lina first laid eyes on it. It was, in fact, a huge structure. It stretched--in terms that we in the twentieth century can understand--as long as two city blocks, and towered over the trees. Yet, the building was low enough so that the trees obscured it from view to anyone on the ground more than a mile away. (Considering the thing was surrounded by several miles of woods where very few people dared to venture, this is not a very large distance.) 

And, of course, it was dark and foreboding. Lightning flashed in the distance, and dark, ominous clouds hovered over the building, constantly threatening with rain. A heavy fog rose up from the ground, enshrouding the surrounding area like a damp, cold blanket. This made for optimal conditions for sneaking into the building. Well, they could practically stroll right up to the building without being seen. Of course, they would have to be careful not to lose each OTHER in the thick mist.

Lina told Gourry and Amelia to go through the front, since they could masquerade as visitors without being suspected. She and Zel were going to sneak in through the back somewhere--whenever they found some sort of possible entrance--while Xelloss did whatever the hell he wanted. It wasn't like Lina could control his actions anyway.

"Good luck, Lina," Xelloss said from his perch on a nearby tree. She grinned and gave him the 'victory' sign.

Turning to Zel, Lina noticed that Amelia and Gourry had already been enveloped in the thick fog. She focused on their mission.

"Let's find a place to get in," she said, and took off with Zelgadis close on her heels.

"YOU must be here to visit PETE!" a nurse shouted excitedly, "Oh, Petey's been good, you know. He'll just love to have some visitors. What's your relation to Pete, anyway?"

"..." Gourry said intelligently.

"...Cousin," Amelia stammered, "We're distant cousins."

The overly cheerful nurse yammered on excitedly, leading the confused duo down the hall. She practically bounced around a corner and held open the door.

"Old Petey'll just LOVE to see you," she told them. "If you need anything, just shout."

"...Okay."

And that was how Amelia and Gourry found themselves in Pete's room.

"Ooooff! Careful!"

"Sorry."

"I'm almost through."

Lina grunted once more and flopped gracelessly onto the floor on the other side of the window. She sat up, rubbing her head and wincing at the motion.

"That hurt," she grumbled. Then, remembering she had left Zel outside, she stumbled to her feet and looked out the window. She held out her hand to him. Of course, she wasn't expecting the dead weight she would get when trying to lift him up to the window. She reminded herself that Zelgadis WAS made of one-third golem, and rock weighed a heck of a lot more than human. Fortunately, Zelgadis was strong enough to climb up without her help. He merely used her hand as a guide to the window he could barely see. Seconds later, he landed soundlessly on the floor next to Lina--he had much more style than the small sorceress. They took off down the hall, their destination: the large room they had found before.

Xelloss leaned back on his branch outside the asylum and glared up at the building. An evil smile danced across his lips when he thought about how it would look when he was through with it. But he had promised Lina he would stay out of the way until they came back out, so he just cooled his heels in the nearby tree.

While he stared at the building, he became aware of a presence behind him. He didn't turn, realizing that if he was going to be attacked, it would have happened already. He just continued to gaze up at the hated building.

"Perhaps you would introduce yourself rather than just hovering over my shoulder like that," he said finally.

Sure enough, an amorphous swirl of purplish-black light moved around him to float in front of him. He gazed at it curiously, wondering what it wanted.

"Lord Beastmaster asks where you have been the past months," the thing said in a monotone, almost mechanical voice. "You have not checked in with her."

"I've been occupied," Xelloss said coolly. "Is that all?"

"She wishes to know what you are doing," the thing said.

"I'm sitting on a tree branch in front of a building," Xelloss replied with a mischievous smile. The swirl of light turned blacker and swirled in agitation. It loomed over Xelloss, not having the frightening effect it was supposed to have.

"She wishes to have a detailed explanation as to your whereabouts the past three months," it pressed.

Xelloss smiled darkly at the thing.

"When I see her, I'll tell her," he said, his voice low and cutting.

"That is not acceptable."

"Not acceptable to you, or not acceptable to Lord Beastmaster?" 

"That is not acceptable," it repeated.

"I'm tired of your presence," Xelloss said dismissively. He waved his hand at the swirl, "Go away."

"That is not acceptable!"

Xelloss glared at it and stood on his branch.

"Fine!" he snapped, "Let's go!"

"That is acceptable."

With that, they flashed out of existence, teleporting away.

Inside the asylum, Amelia and Gourry escaped from Pete's company and were running to leave the building. They hid in a hallway, trying to get their bearings. Amelia shivered slightly.

"This place gives me the creeps!" she whispered.

"I don't know," Gourry smiled, "I thought old Pete was nice."

"He tried to KILL you!" she exclaimed, horrified.

"Naw," Gourry kept smiling, "He just wanted to give me that nice knife. I thought it was rather nice of him."

Amelia sweatdropped and sighed.

"All right, Mr. Gourry," she said in resignation, "We'll just have to admit to Miss Lina and Mr. Zelgadis that we couldn't find it. I'm sure Mr. Xelloss won't mind too much."

"Right," Gourry grinned, "Let's go."

"But we have no idea where we are!"

"The front door is over there," he replied, pointing across the waiting lounge to the two large doors marked with a brightly glowing sign reading 'EXIT.' Amelia smiled happily.

"WOW, Mr. Gourry," she exclaimed, "You sure know your navigation."

He grinned, and they ran outside.

Lina and Zelgadis stopped in a hallway, looking around in mild confusion.

"I didn't remember it being this difficult to find our way around last time," Lina said.

"Last time we came in through the front door," Zel pointed out, "Isn't this the hall where Xelloss's room was?"

Lina blinked and looked around. Sure enough, they were standing two doors down from a door marked 'Violet.' Zel snorted at the name and pushed the door open. Lina followed him in and looked around. Nothing had changed--except for Xelloss's presence, or lack thereof. It was like the room was waiting for its tenant to return.

"We should try to find that place now," Lina said.

"Let's look around here," Zelgadis said distantly, gazing around the small room. His eyes landed on a narrow, locked closet in the corner. "We might find something useful."

The room was lit in a dark light, making it possible to see, but keeping the room dark all the same. A small table with two chairs pushed neatly under it stood in the center of a small dining area. Across the way, there was a large, luxurious sofa with soft cushions decorating it. Everything was dark but light at the same time. It was an odd, paradoxical room.

It was Xelloss's dwelling.

With a dark flash, Xelloss teleported into the interesting place and looked up to see the swirl follow him in. He smiled darkly, opening his eyes to consider the thing. It swirled in confusion.

"This was not the intended destination," it said.

"Sure it was," Xelloss's smile grew more sinister as the seconds passed. "It was your final destination."

With that, Xelloss snapped a simple containment spell around the swirl and slammed it across the room to his sink where he promptly sent it down the garbage disposal. He smiled brightly.

"Bon voyage!" he chuckled, listening to the lesser mazoku's screams until they died out completely. Feeling rather refreshed, he stretched and sat down at his table to wait.

"Uh... Zel?" Lina watched the chimera as he studied the lock on the closet. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing," he replied.

"You must be doing something," she pressed.

"It's nothing."

"Then why are you hovering around that closet?"

"No reason."

He ripped the lock off the closet with one hand. Lina watched him closely, not entirely surprised by what he'd done. He pulled the door open and looked inside. A tiny, sardonic smile lifted the corners of his lips.

"That moron," he said.

"What?" Lina jumped around, trying to see in the closet, "What is it?"

Zelgadis pulled out the staff and tossed it to Lina. She fumbled with it and stared at it in shock.

"It was here?" she stammered, "The whole time? In Xelloss's room?"

"Pretty dumb, isn't it?" Zel chuckled, "Now let's get the hell out of here."

"Uh... right."

Amelia and Gourry stared up at the tree with question marks hovering around their heads. They looked at each other then back again at the tree.

"Wasn't this the meeting place?" Amelia asked.

"I guess so," Gourry scratched his head, "But where is Xelloss?"

"Maybe he had to go um... you know," Amelia flushed a bright red, "I mean... maybe he had to... ah... relieve himself."

"I didn't know mazoku needed to do that," Gourry replied.

"Well, he DID have a lot of coffee this morning," she pointed out.

Xelloss didn't look up when a dark light flashed across the table from him. He turned over a card in his solitaire game and ignored the new presence. He didn't even look up when a light puff of smoke floated into his face--merely waved the fumes away with one hand and flipped over another card with his other. Almost two minutes passed like that.

Finally, the presence across the table from him spoke. The voice was female--low, sultry, and sexy.

"You're upset with me, little Xelloss," she said.

Xelloss didn't respond. He picked up a card, contemplated it for a moment, and placed it on top of a building pile. The woman tried again.

"I see you didn't respond well to my messenger," she said.

Xelloss smiled grimly and continued with his game. Zelas Metallium took that to be a good sign and pressed forward.

"He was irritating anyway," she said, "Dispensable. You, however, are not so dispensable. Where have you been the past few months?"

Xelloss didn't feel like talking yet, so he kept silent.

"It was disturbing to me that I was unable to locate you, little Xelloss," Zelas prompted.

"It was disturbing to me as well, Beastmaster," Xelloss spoke finally. His voice was uncharacteristically quiet and low.

"What happened?"

"I lost my staff," he replied.

Zelas stared at him. She removed the cigarette holder from her mouth and blew out a stream of smoke. Xelloss sat back and looked at her, his eyes open and serious.

"Was it you?" he asked.

"Me?" she asked, her blue eyes widening slightly in mild surprise. "What was me?"

"Someone sealed my mazoku powers away," he explained, "you have that ability."

"I need you too much to do something so rash," she replied.

"Then it wasn't you," he prompted.

"No."

"Good."  
He stood, his smile reappearing on his face. The game on the table disappeared. Zelas watched him coolly, a small smirk on her face as well. She resumed smoking.

"Are you off to locate your staff now?" she asked.

"Of course," he said, his voice back to its usual pitch and cheer. "If all is going well, Lina will have found it by now."

"You know where it was?"

"Oh, yes," he smirked. "Lina and her friends shouldn't have too much difficulty finding it."

"I'm glad," Zelas said, "Even I can't replace that."

"You made it," he replied.

"YOU made it," she said.

Xelloss blinked in surprise and frowned at her in confusion. She just smiled and teleported away. Xelloss stared at the chair in which she had sat, a thoughtful expression on his face. Finally, he shrugged and smiled. Glancing at the chairs, they flashed back into their places, pushed under the table. That done, he teleported out of his dwelling place.

"What do you MEAN he's not here?!?!?!"

Lina's voice carried through the woods. A few people in the town of New Hope paused, wondering what had made that terrible sound. But when it didn't repeat itself, they resumed their daily activities. Meanwhile, back in the forest, Lina was glowering into Amelia's face, fire in her eyes.

"Where IS he?" she demanded, her voice a tad bit quieter.

"..." Amelia stammered, wide-eyed.

"We found his damned stick, and he has the GALL to disappear on us?" Lina growled, dropping Amelia's shirt, much to the princess's relief. Lina snatched the staff out of Zelgadis's hands and shook it at the sky in frustration. "Damn you, Xelloss! I swear to L-sama that I'll break this if you don't come back!"

When he didn't immediately appear, she threw it. Taking it in her hand like a spear, she hurled it into the sky as hard as her little arm could handle without throwing out her shoulder.

On cue, Xelloss flashed into existence and caught the staff in mid-air. He flexed his gloved hand around it, liking having it in his hand again, and smiled brightly down at Lina.

"You didn't REALLY think I'd leave you hanging, did you?" he asked.

"I was toying with the idea!" she snapped. "Where did you go?"

"I had some business to take care of," he replied, teleporting down to the ground next to her. Lina fumed silently, and he just smiled again.

"What's the plan now, oh great mazoku?" she asked sarcastically.

"My plan?" he opened his eyes and looked up at the asylum. Lina shivered at the sight. "Oh, it's quite simple."

He disappeared.

"Lina..." Zelgadis's low, hesitant voice brought the furious sorceress back to earth. She looked over to see her friend staring at the asylum with mild anxiety. 

"What is it, Zel?" she asked, wondering at his expression.

"Perhaps we should leave," he said.

With that said, he cast a Ray Wing and took off at full speed. As the building began to fluctuate curiously, Lina realized that he MIGHT be right. Grabbing Gourry, she cast her own Ray Wing spell and followed after Zelgadis. Amelia took up the rear, shouting fearfully.

"Wait for me!"

Much like the sorcerers in the woods the day before, the asylum collapsed into itself and began to self-destruct. Sparks flew as metal objects ground on one another. Oddly enough, there were no horrified screams, no people struggling to flee the imploding building. It was like there was no one in it. 

Just as the building smushed itself into a tight hunk of metal, plaster, and wood, it blew up. The explosion could be heard for miles, seen almost as far. And when all was said and done, all that was left was a crater that would be studied thousands of years in the future with curiosity. Scientists would eventually write it off as being caused by a meteor hitting the earth--not big or old enough to cause the extinction of the dinosaurs. They would be loathe to even consider the real explanation.

And in the middle of the crater, there rose a huge shrine--taller than the original building, and almost big enough to fill the crater. It was an impressive sight, had anyone been there to appreciate it.

Xelloss floated over the shrine and considered it for a moment. Making up his mind, he teleported inside.

Inside the shrine, it was exactly as Zelgadis and Lina had seen it before. But Xelloss was unimpressed. He waited outside the temple, knowing someone would come out. He wasn't failed. A minute later, a short, ugly dwarf hobbled down the front stairs and stared at him.

"Devil!" the dwarf hissed, "Why couldn't you just stay away?"

"Sorry," Xelloss's smile was sinister. He lifted his staff slightly and let the tip hit the floor with a resonating clack. "Payback's a bitch. What lord do you worship?"

The dwarf sweatdropped and fell back a step. Xelloss laughed and opened his eyes, frightening the dwarf almost enough to pee in his horribly out-of-style pants.

"You've been abandoned!" Xelloss realized, "Too bad for you."

With that, the temple exploded. The shrine around them began to rock and crumble under their feet. The dwarf screamed angrily and shook his fist at Xelloss as the trickster priest floated up, away from the destruction.

"Damn you, Xelloss!" he cursed, "It's not fair!"

"Life is unfair!" Xelloss called back, "It's a well-known fact. Have a nice life."

Xelloss blinked out of existence, and the dwarf watched his precious shrine fall apart.

* * *

Well! I guess it's done. Funny, isn't it? Idiot dwarf swears allegiance to a mazoku lord. Mazoku lord gives idiot dwarf means to defeat little ol' me. Idiot dwarf screws up. Mazoku lord heaves a sigh, throws up his hands in frustration and tsks at the idiot dwarf's... well... idiocy. Mazoku lord decides idiot dwarf isn't worth it and leaves idiot dwarf. Idiot dwarf now a homeless, miserable idiot dwarf. And I have my staff back. Life is good, isn't it?

No, I wasn't really insane. I didn't change that much except for the lack of memories and power. And I'm not insane now.

Stop that. I am not.

Anyhoo, I don't really care who took my powers away. It was that idiot dwarf--sort of. I admire the lord for trying. Next time, he'll decide to pick on a mazoku WITHOUT Lina Inverse as a friend. Is that right? I suppose so. What do you know. I have a human friend. Even better. I have a friend! How many mazoku do YOU know who have friends? Other mazoku don't count. None? I didn't THINK so. Hah! Isn't that a strange occurrence.

And there are a few more loose ends that need to be tied. I'll get to those as soon as I'm done enthralling you with mindless chatter. It seems that everyone likes mindless chatter nowadays. No deep conversations. Of course, with people like Gourry in the world, who COULD carry on an in-depth conversation? Oh well. I don't mind. It's kind of fun being able to constantly confuse people.

Of course, you're probably wondering what the big deal was with my staff. Why couldn't I just get another one? As I said--and Lord Beastmaster said--it is impossible to get another. As for the part about ME making that staff, well... yeah. Interesting. Here's the final say about the staff--and it may come as a surprise to you. Of course, it may not:

That is a secret!

Hysterical laughter, if I felt like it. Since I don't, I'll just chuckle softly to myself. Bye!

* * *

"I'm in heaven," Lina sighed happily, gazing lovingly over the table covered in food. Amelia and Gourry were already chowing down on the food closest to them, and Lina wasn't far behind. She grabbed the nearest chicken leg and dug in carnivorously. As mentioned earlier, Zelgadis is on a primarily liquid diet. He drank tea and watched his friends with mild distaste.

"I can't believe the NERVE of that guy!" Lina said through mouthfuls of food. "Just running off like that. He didn't even warn us before blowing up the damned building!"

"You think you'd be used to that by now, Lina," Zel commented coolly.

"I know," she drank some wine and picked up more food. "Still, Xelloss IS rude."

On cue, Xelloss flashed into existence in a free chair at the table.

"Hello, hello!" he greeted brightly. He placed his staff across his lap and picked up a goblet of wine. Sipping at it a bit, he looked at Lina. "You look well, Lina."

"You look better yourself!" she snapped. "Are you joining us in our travels again?"

"Oh, no!" he laughed and set the goblet down. "You do just fine without me."

"No kidding," Zelgadis grumbled.

"That's not nice, Zel-kun," Xelloss said, wagging his finger lightly, "Anyway. I just came to express my gratitude to you, Lina, as well as the rest of you. Thank you."

Time stopped. It must have stopped, because Lina stopped eating. Even Gourry, who is never aware of anything, stopped eating to stare at Xelloss. Zelgadis stared suspiciously over his tea cup. Amelia got teary-eyed. And Lina just stared with her mouth hanging open. Xelloss sweatdropped.

"..."

Finally, as she started turning blue, Lina swallowed her food and set her chicken leg on her plate--a rare occurrence. Most food never touched her plate. It just went straight to her mouth.

"Uh... you're welcome?" she stammered, not quite sure how to respond to the mazoku's thanks.

Xelloss smiled brightly and stood up. He bowed theatrically.

"We will meet again," he proclaimed. "Until next time..."

He winked at them and teleported away. Lina and her friends just stared at the spot where he had been standing, unable to speak. Finally, they turned back to the table and looked at each other in awe. Finally, Lina leaned forward to speak.

"Right then! Let's eat!"


End file.
